To my first love

Summer Love

     There was so much to say to you, but the promises that you made, made me think I would never lose you. I relied on my faith in you, but I guess that wasn’t enough. Here are the words I wish I had told you because I didn’t think I would grieve this much for you.

March 6, 2016

Okay

Are you crying?

Pf. No

Oh okay.

Eh you?

No.

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     That’s it? After weeks of anxiety because I was so nervous to make this call. I didn’t want to hurt you.. But that’s all I get? - an okay. I started to cry. I thought I wouldn’t because my feelings for you were gone. But we were together for 9 months. You told me I was the one for you. You told me you’ve never loved anyone like you’ve loved me. I thought you were going to beg for me to stay, but you didn’t.

August 8, 2015

Hey

I have a question

Yes?

Do you feel the same way about me?

Of course! Bakit mo naman

naisip iyan?

     With those words on the screen, I was convinced. I was convinced that the two of us were okay. That even if we continue to be far from each other, we were going to be okay.

May 2015

     It was two weeks with you in China. It was the best two weeks of my life. I’ve never felt so secure and carefree. I remember the first time I’ve held your hand. The first time we watched a movie together. The first time we ate dinner together. The first time you told me you loved me. The first time to see you cry because we were going to part ways.

NAIA Terminal 3

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     It was so new to me. We were back home in the Philippines. I was so used to us roaming around the streets of Xiamen. I realized that this might be the last time we were going to be really be with each other. So I started to cry and you cried with me. It never occurred to me that someone would cry for me this badly. Your eyes were so red and you tried so hard to stop yourself from crying.

September 2015

     You started to chat with me less. I start to really worry about us. I thought to myself maybe you were always busy and I understood. You were a top student who’s in the basketball varsity and I didn’t want to bother you. But I grew distant to you. I started to think that maybe you weren’t thinking about me anymore.

October 31, 2015

Labas ka.

     I hear knocks on my door all of the sudden. My dad tells me Huy! Andito si John! My heart starts to race. I haven’t seen you since August 8, the time I thought things were going downhill. But now you’re here all the way from Quezon City. Even if you knew my parents weren’t approving of us, you still came to my house just to surprise me to celebrate my birthday. You travelling all the way from QC gave me so much hope that you still felt the same for me.

     But it wasn’t the same. I knew we don’t feel the same for each other anymore. It wasn’t like the times we were together in Xiamen. I began to get angry with our situation. I wasn’t angry with you, but I was angry with the distance between us. Not just because we were so far from each other, but I guess that distance had translated into our relationship.

March 6, 2016

     I told you I was grateful for you and the memories we had were one of the best memories I’ve ever had. I told you so much reasons why you meant so much to me.

But I can’t force myself to like you.

I’m sorry. Di ko na talaga kaya

Okay.

     Because of this, memories with you began to cloud my mind. It was as if you were just waiting for me to tell you. All the dates we had in Xiamen. All the times we roamed around the streets in Xiamen. All the times you travelled to Laguna for me. All the gifts, letters you gave to me. All the promises you made for me.

Maghihintay ako para sayo

Loyal ako

Same tayo college

You’re the one

Kung magbreak-up tayo let’s try our best to fix things