“I'm sorry. This won't work out.”

 

Two months ago, you confessed to me. You finally told me what you feel.

I was so happy. This was the first time someone did this.

 

Wow, so that is what it feels like. I'm gonna go on dates. I'm going to hold someone's hand. I'll finally feel warm in someone's arms. I'm gonna be someone's.

I have been longing for this feeling— the feeling of belongingness, the “we” and “mine”.

We would have late night talks. We would talk about how our day went, what food we love, which Disney song is your favorite, until we get sleepy.

 

“Hey, thank you for today. See you tomorrow. :)” he said.

“Yeah, sure. Good night!” I replied.

 

So, this is what it feels like to have someone who is interested in you, who would love to listen to your randomness and who is willing to stay up late just to talk to you.

You made me feel accepted and beautiful. You made me feel like I am finally worth liking and loving. For the first time in ages, I accepted myself and that was all because of you.

 

It was going so nicely but, over the days, you changed.

 

The promises you once made were broken; the very things you said you'd never do.

 

You promised me you will be happy when I'm happy.

But you became possessive over me. You became jealous over my friends.

 

“Sige stay with them. You're happier naman there eh.” You said sarcastically.

 

I'm just with my friends! What is so wrong with that? I--I don't understand. Is this how things go? I am so confused.

​

Calm down. Okay, give him another chance.

 

“I'm sorry. I didn't know it wasn't okay with you. Let's hang out tomorrow.” I said with a smiling face.

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It was going well. We started to become okay again. Ah, finally. my fairytale will continue.

But you broke another promise. You promised me you won't make me feel bad.

You would get mad at me when I'm not able to reply quickly.

 

“Go talk to other people. Night. “
 

I gave it another shot. I tried to understand. I mean, this is what it means to be with someone, right?

 

Another broken promise; you said you'd understand.

​

You wanted to go out with me but I said I was not allowed. I explained to you nicely how I am new at stuff like these and how I have conditions with my parents but, lo and behold, you still got mad.

 

“You think this is funny? This is hard for me too!”

 

And just like that, I felt bad; I said sorry a million times again. You turned the situation around again for your advantage. You made me look like the villain again and the pathetic person I am; I kept saying sorry for not doing anything wrong.

 

I tried. I tried so hard to understand you but you made me feel like everything I did was wrong.

Is this what it feels like to have someone like you? Do they really act that way? Maybe it’s just them being protective? Maybe he just doesn’t want me to be hurt? Okay, I’ll give one more chance.

One day, something happened and that was the last straw.

​

“No, stay with them. I just talk to people who care for me.”

​

You got jealous again over my friends. I thought I explained this to you already.

You keep hurting me.

​

Sounds— all I heard were deafening sounds. ALL THIS TIME I CARED FOR YOU YET WHAT DO YOU GIVE IN RETURN? YOU DOUBTED ME. YOU NEVER TRUSTED ME. YOU SAID YOU’D CARE FOR ME, BUT ALL YOU DID WAS HURT ME. ONE SORRY AND I FORGIVE YOU. IS THIS REALLY WHAT RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE? I AM SO MAD. I AM SO DONE. 

​

I cracked.

 

“I’m sorry” It’s all I could say. All of the thoughts I had were ignored and replaced with that line.

“I’m sorry. This won’t workout. We keep fighting and we keep hurting ourselves.”

Tears were the only thing I could see in front of me.

 

“No more second chance?” You asked.

 

I walked away.

 

Just like that, for the first time, I broke someone’s heart. This time, I guess I’m not sorry.