Dear Ex,

 

        It was on the 9th of May when we first met. We became good friends and, surely, I realized that those eyes are the ones I wouldn’t get tired of looking at. I remember when you’d call me at ungodly hours to tell me that you miss my voice; I also remember when you’d whisper sweet words to me every night as I slowly drift off to sleep. I still feel the weight of your stare, I still remember everything, including the first time you said those three words.

 

       Those are some of the good memories that we shared in just under seven months but it was only in a span of minutes when all the plans we made were shattered because of one mistake you committed.

 

        January 1, 2018, it was that night when my fear came to life. I literally felt my heart sink and tears came streaming down my face. I just couldn’t believe that you, of all people, could do something so vile. I should have seen it coming; I should have noticed how much had changed between the two of us, I should have noticed how your eyes wouldn’t even meet mine anymore; I should’ve noticed how dull your voice sounded whenever we would talk. I should have noticed how you’d cancel out on me so you’d be able to plan a secret rendezvous with her.

 

        I gave you so many chances but you wasted all of them; that’s when I knew things should have ended between the two of us.

  

          When we ended it, I couldn’t think properly; what you did greatly affected me. I remember crying alone inside the school toilet cubicle and asking myself “What did I do?” and “What could I have done to prevent him from doing that?” I remember crying to my friends and hearing them continuously say “You deserve better” “I told you so” and “Block him already”. I knew that I deserve better but, being the complete idiot I am, I still couldn’t block you from my phone and of course, we still talked everyday and it just hurt me more. This went on for a month until I came to my senses and finally gathered enough courage to completely cut you out of my life because it was toxic for me already-- you were toxic. The broken promises you made, the stupid excuses, the lies and the hurtful words were too much. I couldn’t do it anymore.

 

          If your definition of love was to hurt someone the way that you hurt me, then I don’t think you’re ever ready to love anyone.

 

       I knew I needed to learn how to stop; I needed to learn how to go on with my days without you always lingering at the back of my mind. A month has passed now since I decided to cut you off completely, but as expected, you still find ways to contact me through different numbers but I know better than to answer them. You even create fake accounts on social media because you still want to be able to get in touch with me.

 

      Now, the misconception of you is fading and who you really are is becoming clearer. You’re a selfish person that can put another human being through hell over and over and, after, not feel anything. I’ve wasted hours on end crying, caring, thinking, and ruminating–-over someone who is surely not doing the same. So today, I decided once and for all that I want you out of my life. This feels different than the previous times that I said this. When I said things like this before, I knew that if you were to reach out to me, I’d always be right there but this time is different. There is nothing left of me to hurt and now I need to heal. Please don’t come back. Don’t try to bring back what used to be. it’s never gonna happen. The damage has been done.

 

        You have always been my first choice; you know that but from this moment onwards, I am choosing myself and what’s best for me

                                                     

                                   

                                      and i know that what’s best for me does not include you anymore.