To the one who never saw my worth
Boy, Bye!
“You know what? I can’t do this anymore. Let’s end this, this isn’t going anywhere. We’re just going around in circles! I’m so tired of it.” I told him on the night of February 25th last year.
A year has passed since we’ve broken up.
Things are different now than it was back then.
People change, feelings change, nothing stays the same.
“But you told me you would trust me and the process of getting rid of my infatuation for her, right?” he replied.
“If you only knew...I have always trusted you, but it also has a limit!
I am limited.” I burst into tears.
Loving someone isn’t tolerating their actions, especially if it means you ending up hurt repetitively.
“Can you please give me one more chance?” he begged.
I didn’t know what to do.
I felt weak…
I still love him.
I was torn between giving him another chance and letting him go.
If I give him another chance, how can he assure me that he’s going to change for the better and he has learned from his mistakes?
If I let him go, I will lose the guy that I love…
but I’ve already been hurt enough.
“I’m not stupid enough to give you tons of chances...you asked for one last chance.
One. Last. Chance.
I’m sorry but you just made things worse. Now we’re all tangled up, I don’t think we would still be able to fix this. Enough with starting over, enough with this bullshit!”
After months of toxicity, I was able to gather the strength and courage to speak up for myself and stop blaming myself for having anxiety.
Whenever I would overthink I would always tell him how I feel, hoping he would comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.
Each time I would overthink he would always say,
“stop overthinking.”
I felt more lonely and foolish.
I would always put the blame on myself for causing the fights we had. It came to a point where I hated myself for having anxiety. He also blamed me for overthinking too much, when in fact there’s nothing I can do about it.
There were times I wondered if he truly loves me or if he even loved me to begin with.
I felt stupid.
I defended him from my friends’ accusations.
I believed in him when no one did.
I was there for him and accepted him despite his indecisiveness…
because I loved him.
Only to find out that he liked one of my closest friends while we were still together.
He was the one to blame after all, he left me into pieces...
A few days later, my friend approached me.
“He really wants you back” my friend said.
My heart thumped.
“I don’t think I can give him another chance... I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can give him more, there’s nothing left of me.” I said skeptically.
“We’ve been friends for 3 years now, I know you and I know you won’t be able to do it. You’re not forced to give him another chance if you can’t.” she comforted me, enough to make me feel that I am not alone.
From that moment on, I learned to never settle for less, know when to walk away and choose what’s best for me.
At the end of the day, there’s no one I can depend on but myself. Enough with putting him first...
It’s time to pick up the broken pieces and start over.